Deathiversary or death anniversary’s. . . Breathe in, breathe out.
11 years ago on Jan 26th 2014 I lost my younger brother, every Jan 26th is a hard day, not just the day but the day before can be hard as well, I know it is for me, I remember getting texts and calls from my brother the last week he was alive, I had been working a lot back in those days to try and save money for my fiances (now wife) honey moon, my younger brother and I were close, we were about a year apart, my older brother and I had a years difference as well, but he was always with the older kids, and my younger brother was always with me.
we gamed together, playing 007 on Nintendo 64, to Guitar Hero, on Playstation 2. we played on multiple systems over the 28 years he was here, like Quantum of solace on Xbox 360, there was always a slight competition between him and I with video games, by the time we got into Call of duty, him and I would play for hours, and we were slightly even, but honestly I think he was way better, and held back to make it more fun for me, either way we loved to game.
in 2009 my younger brother became a father to sylvia wilson-williams, up until that date, my was an uncle to my sisters but never an uncle to my brothers kids, ( whom I haven’t seen since they moved away.) and in 2010 my late brother became a father again.
why am I sharing all this with you? It is healthy to share about a lost loved one, my brother died 11 years and sometimes it’s still hard to talk about him.
On Nov 13th 2021 I lost my eldest sister, I always looked up to her, she was the reluctant leader, I remember when we were kids, she would always say “No, I don’t want to” even before I would ask her to help me with what ever it was I was doing, and then I would say “you didn’t even listen to it yet” only to come back to me later (when I was done) and let me know she can help now.
my sister was always laughing, she knew that the key to overcoming the hardships was to smile no matter how hard things got, I have so many memories of my sister that I am not ready to let go of, but I also am ready to start the process.
So what does that Process look like? Something you might ask yourself is how do I start my journey to healing? talking to a counsellor, therapist, a mental health professional, secondly starting a journal, I know at this point your thinking, I don’t know how to journal, and is it really that important? when I look at journaling I like to think of it like the big puddles that we get up here in the north in the spring time after the snow melts. And when I was a kids, I used to make a tiny stream from those puddles to make them smaller. When you journal you are creating a tiny stream that happens just like the puddle example. starting journaling doesn’t have to be complicated, when I started all I did was write down what I did that day, and how I felt about it.
The last part is Breathing exercises, I have found that regulating self with deep breathes really have a calming effect, like using the Box breathing method, which is taking a deep breath in for 5 seconds, then holding it for 5 seconds, after holding it for 5 seconds slowly releasing the breath for 5 seconds, and lastly holding for 5 seconds repeating that 3-4 times.
Utilizing these techniques especially seeking professional help is key. Having your needs met mentally can help the process along, allowing yourself to heal from losing a loved one is a hard thing to do. learning to live without them is a hard process, and a scary one, because you might think that by learning to process is letting go but it’s not, it’s more like learning to live with the loss in a healthy way.
please if you feel you are ready to take the next step, reach out to a mental health professional, and start your journey today. whether it is with break the cycle counselling or if it is with another therapist. we are here to help you process that loss.
